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"I want to sleep with you, but i think you will never call me again" Proper response? (self.askTRP)

submitted by ShortDamage

This girl has the hots for me and i want to sleep with her, but i don't think i want anything more than just sex from her. Last night, i think i probably could have fucked her if i just said what she wanted to hear. She told me she had heard stories about me and that a friend of hers told her "she should be careful with me". We madeout and fooled around, but she did LMR and kept saying she "really wanted to", but that she just thought i was just gonna sleep with her and never talk to her again. Now, if i had just been like "no of course i will call you" and all that crap, she would have given in, but i didn't want to solidify a reputation that i'm a guy like that. Ideally i would want to plate her, but she seems like the type who doesn't want to fuck unless we're serious. Should i straight up tell her that i don't want anything serious? I feel like if i lead her on, fuck her, then gradually stop texting her when she wants to get serious is a douche move...


[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev122 points123 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

"Are you that bad at sex that I'd never call you again?"

[–]Kpwn8817 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gold. Of course the pressure flip doesn't come naturally to most newbs. My theory is women shit-test subconsciously looking for the pressure flip because it denotes experience.

[–]NPIF5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This

[–]SuperNervousAsianGuy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This guy bangs

[–]murantasse81 points82 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

To me the most logical way of dealing with this situation is to be honest. If you want a one time fuck, say so and if she backs off, just accept it. If you want her as a plate, I'd say you should let her know that you are in just for the sex. Do not make promises you don't want or can't honour just to get in her pants, if she feels betrayed that will harm your reputation, if she can trust you because you are true to what you say and you demonstrate that you are worth having sex with even just once, you should be good.

But again, stay honest and if she backs off accept it and move on

[–]Terra501 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I guess I must disagree for two reasons. FIRST, Plausible Deniability: she needs plausible deniability, and telling her "it's a one-time thing" casts her as the slut. SECOND, don't answer a Shit Test directly: This is a shit test, don't offer a serious response. Something humorous akin to "You accusing me of being a flake? Shots fired" and roll it off your shoulders.

[–]murantasse-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get the plausible deniability you describe and of course is a shit test. A&a as a response, I agree with you there.

Being honest does not mean to talk pure logic and to be completely serious, remember that you are dealing with an emotional creature. You can be honest and direct while still being humorous and playful, it's a matter on how you choose your words and how do you convey them, the medium is always part of the message.

Her viewing herself as the slut if she goes for a one time thing, is just the anticipated sense of guilt she has for doing that. The best you can do in case you just want to be honest about that and convey that in a playful way, to demonstrate that you would welcome a ons but you'll be equally good off without it. This puts you as the prize she should want to have, even as a ons, instead of you asking for that and looking for validation in her. She should look validation in you instead. If she agrees to the ons, fuck her brains out and that's it. She'll leave sad because it was a ons but equally satisfied for having claimed the prize (you) at least once and had her validation

[–]1redhawkes54 points55 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

"you're right, im into texting more", it's blunt and not promising her anything.

Don't lead her on. Plate and see if she fits in your frame.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What do you mean by don’t lead her on ?

[–]Abnull4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Deception is never the right call. Dispite some guys advocating for a dark triad type of act, it not the right way to go. Mysterious, yes, caring about yourself more than others, sure. Deceptive, no.

Masculinity is direct, femininity is deceptive or at least works in the shadows.

Deception goes against abundance mentality. If you need to deceive you don't have abundance.

Also, deflecting is not deception.

[–]TheStumblingWolf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also, as Black Dragon advocates - lying breeds drama and if your goal is to lead a happy life drama is not going to further that goal.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is a girl is from a social circle I would agree with that.

[–]SlappaDaBayssMon6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Everybody has an intuition, how it affects our decisions varies from person to person, but we all have one.

She knows you just want to smash. She also wants to smash, but she doesn't trust you.

Tell her the truth. Just fucking laying it out there has gotten me past LMR almost every time. LMR is about trust, she needs to trust that she's not going to damage her reputation, or allow herself to get played emotionally if she fucks you.

So how does this sound to you : "I'm not looking for a commitment right now, I need to focus on x. I'm having a lot of fun hanging out and I'd like to keep hanging out as things are, but I understand if that doesn't work for you."

9 times out of 10 they just wanna know where you stand, you said yourself you just want a plate. Offer her her platedom. There's nothing wrong with your intentions, get them in alignment with your actions.

And if for whatever reason she doesn't go for it, guess what, you were never going to get to fuck her without a giant headache anyway, onto the next.

[–]MagnumBurrito7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"You're right. I won't call you again. You should totally not sleep with me."

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So she was correct.

lol who cares? Other women out there man. Why do people on here focus on one woman?

Would it have been a douche move? Sure, lying is always a douche move. It's up to you to determine how you feel about doing that though.

[–]adam_varg22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is douche move.

You do not sound like douche, so fucking her over will fuck with your brain.

What i did in such situations, i told them honestly i do not see anything serious happening and that at best we will casually fuck for few months. IME they go for it anyway, try to keep feelings in the bay, which never works so they get hurt (feel used..) anyway. And i feel like shit too..

[–]NolanKnowstheTruth7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"How bad are you?"

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a guy that doesn't speak in certainties. There have been girls that I didn't want to have a relationship at the moment and just wanted casual sex but eventually ended up dating them after.

If that is what you feel about her at that moment, then tell her exactly that. Honesty will bring you a long way.

[–]jizzonmypants2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

just be honest with her, hold frame and convince her that you don’t see sex as a bad expirience with 2 people and that society has lead people to talk against it

Which is true for me and I guess for you too, see if she buys into that frame prob will if she likes you and fuck her in the ass

[–]src6702 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Simply say..."What was your name again?".

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Depends how good you are in bed."

[–]cussyandpopaine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why,are you that bad?

[–]HellSpeed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"You better do a good job then" or something along those lines. You're being honest and cocky without directly saying you will/will not call her again. It's what she subconsciously wants to hear. This was basic LMR, watch what she does not what she says, etc. You have to be willing to take the L and show it and she will submit to you. It's up to her if she wants to continue with you or not.

[–]Slolum0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

“That’s a chance you’ll just have to take.”

[–]BusterVadge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You'll never know unless you try...

[–]DadOnDabs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pressure flip. "Are you going to give me a reason to never call you again?"

[–]netgrey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t want to have sex with you because afterwards you won’t stop calling me.

[–]Blazenido0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wether you spend time with her should be based on if it’s fun to be around her and you feel it’s worth your time. You’re allowed to factor sex into that and your allowed to change your mind later.

You’re approaching this like two are basically bargaining pussy for some degree of a relationship. You both are playing games. It sounds like she just wanted a little reassurance. You can do this without capitulating.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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