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Girlfriend looking for comfort - how to proceed? (self.asktrp)

submitted by PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes

So me and this girl (tall, skinny, blonde, cute) have been seeing each other for about a month, she is really into me. After a few weeks of fooling around, she wanted to be a thing and said she wanted to be exclusive if we were going to continue. I agreed since I wasn’t seeing anyone else anyway, and she was giving me several of her firsts, so I understood why she wanted it. Last week I took her virginity. She loved it. I took her virginity without a condom so she could feel everything the way it was supposed to feel. While we were fucking she told me she wished it could last forever. She had just finished her period, but she went and got the morning after pill to be safe.

She’s always telling me how hot I am and how she loves to please me, and calls me daddy and loves being my little girl. She talks about how sweet my cum tastes and how she loves fucking me. I always try to not text too much, however she often texts me and asks me how my day is going. It’s sweet and I don’t mind it.

So here’s my question: Every now and then she will talk about something that’s stressing her out, and I’ll usually try to comfort her and let her know I’m there for her. A few days ago she said some of her friends found out she borrowed $50 for the pill and were calling her a slut and stuff, and I told her to forget about them, everything will be okay, “you get the last laugh cause you get to hang out with me”, etc.

Now she’s talking about being stressed from work and school. She always keeps it to a minimum and is never bothering. Is it beta or weak sounding to say stuff like “If you need to talk to someone I’m here”? Or just generally letting her know she can come to me with her problems? So far I have been just telling her everything will be okay and then adding a “sounds like you need me to help you relax sometime soon”, or something similar, which she always reacts positively to.

From what I understand, if a girl is coming to you with her problems, it means she trusts you and is looking for you to be the emotional rock she can lean on (unless you are friend-zoned, then she’s just looking for an emotional tampon). But when I think about saying stuff like “I’m here if you need to talk”, it seems too “sweet” sounding, and I generally try to avoid anything “sweet”. It just seems like a big no to me.

What should I do and shouldn’t I do on the subject of providing comfort? She seems to be willing to do just about anything I tell her to, no questions asked.

Thanks


[–]ZeppKfw55 points56 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is she asking for advice on how to deal with it? If not then just listen.

[–]dtyler8652 points53 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like a genuinely decent girl that hasn’t been spoiled by shitty men or shitty friends. If she’s seriously LTR material, so be it. Just try to avoid being to comforting or she’ll own you

[–]legospartan133 points134 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

You can’t fix a woman’s problem, all you can do is listen. NEVER offer solutions, as men that’s what we do. Man have problem, man fix. Woman are from Venus. Let her spill her emotions everywhere, feed her lines of empathy then fuck her mouth after she’s done talking.

[–]BusterVadge30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is 100% true. I don't know why so many guys struggle with this. OP, you just need to be her rock and her shoulder to lean on. Don't get involved in her drama, just be there for her.

Your job is to remain unaffected by it.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A girl who is able to identify dismissive behaviour is going to take "That really sucks. I'm always here for you" as just that: dismissive. I 100% agree with not getting personally involved in her drama. But, depending on the seriousness of the relationship, "being there for her" is more than just listening, nodding your head and saying "everything will be alright".

It really depends on the specifics of the girl you're with for what she wants from you when she comes to you with her problems. Sure, maybe she just wants to vent. My LTR for instance, respects my opinion on a lot of different aspects of life because I'm a rational person, and I have my shit together.

You need to create a good balance of knowing when to care about her problems, and when to tell her she's overreacting like a child. Being an "emotionless rock" works for plates or FWB. But the TRP warriors who just make shit up, or exaggerate their life experiences don't know how to foster a healthy relationship as a red pilled man. Good sex isn't enough to keep most girls in love with you long term.

Ambitions, spontaneity, rationality, and affection. I've personally found that possessing these four characteristics, on top of knowing how and when to act towards certain problems, is the biggest contributor to being a man that people, especially your LTR look up to.

I've been considering writing a theory post on the main subreddit regarding this. So, if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For sure, I never offer advice and won’t unless it’s a situation where she specifically asks for it. I’d rather not waste my time. That’s why I usually go with the

“Aw, that sucks! It’ll all be okay, missy. Come over and I’ll distract you...”

sort of thing. Make her feel better and comforted and then associate her feeling better with fucking me. She does tell me I make her feel safe when she’s near me.

Could you explain a bit more about how to feed her lines of empathy without seeming like a beta? That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I don’t want to just say the same things over and over again

[–]Aesthetik_13 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Never offer solutions? Why? Did I miss something? What bad would come out of it

[–]4thAndLong27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Women don't want you to find solutions. They just want you to listen. Let her problems be hers. You're just there for her to vent. She doesn't want a captain save-a-ho.

[–]Picasso3209 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I needed this, long time ago.

[–]Mewster181816 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Confirmed. Women want to vent, but most likely already know what their next step is, hearing it from you will make them feel like you're being dismissive towards their problems. They want you to listen and "empathize" but they do not want your solutions unless they explicitly ask for your advice... if you pay attention when they're venting you'll probably realize that at no point in their complaints do they ever actually ask for your input or your ideas. It's completely silly, but they just want someone to listen to them and "take their side".

[–]Aesthetik_10 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

But doesn’t that make you her beta bitch if you play along and just listen , kinda like a good little lap dog? I don’t see how that would be productive either

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You are her daddy. Your little girl comes to you crying. You sit her on your lap and ask what’s wrong. She tells you what’s wrong and you reassure her everything will be okay. She wipes her eyes and now she feels so much better because daddy says it’ll all be fine. Then you tell her to run along and slap her ass on her way out. She loves her daddy.

[–]send_it_for_the_boys0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Coach Corey Wayne

[–]Mewster18183 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't say stick around if she bitches constantly, regardless of beta vs alpha traits it's an undesirable character quality. No one wants to hang out with a Negative Nancy.

But everyone has bad days, women just tend to need to "word-vomit" about those frustrations in order to get past them more than men do. You don't even necessarily need to be supportive, just let her get it out of her system and then redirect her. And if she starts becoming more negative and ruining the mood regularly just drop her, she'll either move on or get the message that her whining won't get her the validation she wants.

[–]Agooelephant1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not about the nail: a 2 minute YouTube video that goes through this perfectly.

[–]Spurnout0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would agree about not offering a solution unless she asks for one. I think it's fair if she's actively asking for help rather than just wanting to be heard.

[–]Stagnant_Flow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am trying to get better at this. I have trouble because when I feed her lines of empathy like "wow that sucks, so sorry that happened. Yes Becky sounds like a bitch" There is just an awkward pause after. Is this when I fuck her mouth? But seriously for a non-Venus creature that awkward pause would be filled with actual advice. I get giving advice doesn't help but how many times do I just repeat the same "that sucks, I would be upset too" to fill the silence?

[–]jon9419 points20 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Completely unrelated, but you should be wrapping your shit unless 1. You completely trust her with your life (and even then, be careful) and 2. She has a VERY reliable birth control option (IUD or implant, none of this pill bullshit). Not wrapping up is a one way ticket to Babytown or HPVville.

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

For sure, I only did it that once, i’m not planning on doing it again, and she’s clean. I was rubbing my tip on her clit and she was so turned on, I asked her if she wanted me to push in and she said yes. She just had her period so the chances were low already, and then she got the morning after pill. I figured she should feel it naturally her first time, and damn it felt so good. Made her cum beforehand, so she was so wet there were no problems. Despite being a virgin she did a great job, didn’t just lay there.

We use condoms now. We both are NOT wanting any unexpected problems

[–]jon948 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I’ll let you in on a little secret: just because she just finished her period doesn’t mean she can’t get pregnant. Just food for thought. Keep wrapping up. You’re doing good.

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Oh I know that for sure, but the chances are much lower. The sperm would have to stay in her for over a week, which is a very low probability, combined with the fact that I never came in her in the first place. Pre cum actually has negligible amounts of sperm in it. I think making her first time amazing worked pretty well, considering she told me “we’re doing this again, you don’t have a choice”.

[–]jon947 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lol dude I’m a paramedic (and have a premed degree), you don’t have to lecture me on biology. I’d be wary of the assumptions you’re making.

[–]Ceroe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think he was lecturing you, just revealing that he may not be totally ignorant of the risks involving having sex.

[–]antariusz3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s only if she has a regular period, and since you’re talking about a younger girl (mentioned school) possibly still going through hormonal changes, chances are she isn’t 100% reliable on her cycle. She could ovulate and then ovulate again 10 days later.

[–]PlanetoftheGrapes94-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hence the morning after pill

[–]jon940 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Which is only effective 87% of the time. It also doesn’t stop you from getting herpes.

[–]stripethrowaway 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Unless she explicitly asks you for advice then don't offer anything. Advice is trying to solve her problem. Complaining is more of her fight or flight mechanism. She just wants someone to sympathize with her and nothing more.

Is she a plate or what?

If she's a plate, keep it sex related only.

Even if she's not a plate, remember stoicism and kino. Find a way to bring her back into your frame. Grab her and distract her from her crap. You're her escape from the rest of the world.

[–]Aesthetik_1-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What’s so bad about offering advice? Would she not appreciate it?

[–]stripethrowaway 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Because at her core she doesn't want it. She just wants vent. Women think out loud. You're just around so she doesn't look crazy talking to herself.

[–]innibinni1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That last part kills me Truer words have never been spoken

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Girls don’t listen to advice given unless they specifically ask you for it. They don’t want it, they just want you to listen and tell them everything will be okay.

If you offer advice you are just wasting your time and wasting their time, and you’ll end up frustrated because they won’t listen to it at all.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not about the nail

Listen but not so much you're a barf bag for any old problem. The key to being the rock or the oak is to calm the storm. Comfort is required for LTRs, don't get me wrong, but there is a limit.

[–]1319Skew5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Keep frame.

​

Don't show weakness or emotion. Listen and just bang. Don't get emotional or invested in anything. Sounds like you're doing everything right.

You both sound kinda young though so don't worry too much about how amazing you are and how she tells you that you're the best ect.

​

When your turn is over, she'll forget about you and all the good that you do and will bitch to her next man about it. So don't take anything good or bad to heart.

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Truth. Happened with the last girl too, however this time the foundation for everything is much better. Doesn’t mean there’s no point in doing things right.

[–]int3rnetz6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

She's telling you how she loves how your cum tastes and calling you daddy?

Doesn't sound like you took her virginity.

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You’d be surprised what girls will do for their alpha, especially after taking her virginity. She could be lying. Or not. Anyone could be lying at any time

[–]int3rnetz3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I promise you a virgin does not act this way.

[–]send_it_for_the_boys2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe shewatches a lot of porn.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Introduce some light bondage into the bedroom. It will help you maintain frame.

[–]goblinboglin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

don't sweat it too much lol, just enjoy it while it lasts, don't act needy and obviously beta and you are good

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is it beta or weak sounding to say stuff like “If you need to talk to someone I’m here”?

Yes. Don't encourage her to dump on you; she'll do that anyway. Similarly, don't punish her for doing it, like you would with a plate.

Just passively listen, cheer her up if necessary, and then talk about something else. Chicks just need to dump and have you be unaffected by it.

Repeat after me, "Dang, babe. That sucks. Let me know if you need any problem solving. Hey, you hungry? Let's grab some tacos."

[–]580211 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I say oscillate between comfort and excitement. Comfort her when she needs it but never be full time comfort. Moderation is key as is adapting to circumstance.

[–]The_Adm0n1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You should comfort her. You're not in the friend zone. She's being respectful and generally a pretty great gal from the sound of things. Seems like she's genuinely interested in being a good partner for you. She also seems to be respecting your boundaries, which is tough for a girl to do when she's actually really into a guy. She's coming to you with her problems because (as evidenced by her giving you all of those "firsts") she feels like she can trust you to be an emotional shoulder to lean on, and you won't judge or criticize her. Honestly, this is a great place to be with a girl, and it's up to you not to fuck it up.

In the context of a monogamous relationship, your emotional availability correlates directly to her sexual availability. Trust me on this (married 10+ years). It's not a tit for tat kind of thing. You being there to comfort and encourage her gives her the trust/confidence she needs to cut loose in the sack. Basically, the short of it is that emotional intimacy will lead to and manifest in physical intimacy.

You're not abandoning the red pill by comforting her. You are not breaking frame, or being a beta, or otherwise encouraging bad behavior. You are being the one man that she respects and trusts enough to be LTR material for.

[–]htbf3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

How old is she?

She sounds like she has issues. It's typical for such girls to smother you with cuteness overload and then slowly open the valves over their shitty psychological health.

[–]ihatetheworldlol1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It's typical for such girls to smother you with cuteness overload and then slowly open the valves over their shitty psychological health.

Hahaha true, what do you do to learn their worst before they waste your time? Asking for the next time

[–]htbf-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Nothing you can do.

Some red flags are girls who are readily available to you too quickly, are too girley and cutey and demonstrative about it. Girls who look like they migh cry any second now.

If it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true.

[–]ihatetheworldlol0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

readily available to you too quickly

What is too quickly?

[–]htbf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Within 3 dates and without you needing to actually show your worth.

Girls who are emotionally needy will let you know one way or another.

[–]markinsinz71 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Lucky you. I never got such a thing when I was young. Fuck this life, sigh.

Enjoy it while it lasts make the best of it

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey man, I get it. For a while I thought I wouldn’t get a chance. She’s a bit younger than me so I wasn’t planning on something like this happening, but that’s the world. I understand where you are coming from. Keep your head up.

[–]serve_my_goddess0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

You never got oneitis like OP? Good for you. What are you complaining about exactly?

[–]markinsinz70 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

The passage of man. Never got 1st love, 1st ltr, it is all a necessary process.

I haven't ever been in a serious relationship. I don't haven't shared a bed with someone in some years. I'm complaining about being an absolute idiot with my life as well as my circumstances. I'm cursed in a strange way. Working on it.

Thanks for reading

[–]serve_my_goddess-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You are in an enviable position. You have the ability to live life as a true man should -- on your own terms. Without all the burdens all the rest of us place on ourselves because we are stupid.

Go make something out of this opportunity. Many a man would love to walk in your shoes.

[–]markinsinz72 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What are you talking about? I'm 27 and even if I improved myself and started getting laid (which in my estimate is about 2 years out due to personal reasons) there will always be a hole inside me.

The strings of bad luck, stupidity and missed chances are the worst feelings ever. All because I was an idiot I was picky and wanted a beautiful first gf. Not realising how the game works. Also even as a nice guy I have a shitt personality.

Why would anyone want to walk in my shoes. Fuckin 27

[–]serve_my_goddess0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh, sorry. You sound like a lost cause. You should just give up.

Btw do you know how to shoot?

[–]markinsinz71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol don't worry about me.

My main point of throwing my shit out there was to show others that they are lucky and must appreciate what they have and have had. Life's a bitch for many of us just through sheer badluck and what nots.

[–]Bitscoinmooning0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dunno man a virgin doesn't call guys daddy. Early red flag.

[–]squibity-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Correct me if I'm wrong but from what I just read it sounds like this:

  1. You LTR'd this girl because she was your only option and hamstered a rationale as to why it was a solid move to go immediately into ONS.

  2. A unicorn who you claim is a virgin and gave you her firsts says. "She’s always telling me how hot I am and how she loves to please me, and calls me daddy and loves being my little girl. She talks about how sweet my cum tastes and how she loves fucking me."

  3. You had unprotected sex with this unicorn risking your financial freedom for the rest of your life.

  4. Then after all this other stuff, you ask if it is against TRP to be her emotional tampon.

I'm having a hard time understanding why you're asking for advice in this sub if you admittedly are not following most of the advice TRP recommends.

It's your life, do what you want, but this whole post is a series of mental gymnastics as far as I see it. Good luck to you.

[–]serve_my_goddess2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

100%. OP is blue pill material. No mention of lift stats even -- DYEL

[–]PM_Me_Fuhrer_Memes[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

1) I was focusing hard on myself and a girl wanted to tag along and fuck me. Problem?

2) She happened to be a virgin. I know her ex, he’s religious and wanted to wait till marriage. She’s really into me so she loves when I fuck her. Problem? Are you jealous?

3) She took plan B afterwards and from then on we have been and will continue to use protection. I knew the risk. Problem?

4) In all the time I’ve known her she’s only briefly talked about something that’s bothered her twice, and only on my prompt. Now I’m an emotional tampon? Lol, I’ll remember that next time she thanks me for shooting my load in her mouth after I’m done fucking her. Problem?

Lol at you thinking just because I wasn’t actively fucking girls that I had no other options. Ever hear of self improvement bro? Maybe you should try it so you don’t come off as salty or jealous, which is the impression you’re giving off with this post.

[–]squibity-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think my original reply was fairly diplomatic and considers TRP principles and terminology. If you're just looking for hamstering rationalizations there are women's subs for that - 2x comes to mind...

If anyone is salty, it is you.

[–]IamBeautifulPerson-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She using you as emotional detox bside you're just first phase in the relationship.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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