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I sent a single message quite some time ago asking if she'd like to go again. I did not follow up anymore to not show neediness.

However, I gotta be honest with something...as a man, I am OFFENDED when someone doesn't reply to me (even if it's to say 'no', - it's the total disrespect implied that comes with ignoring someone). Then, when they see me again in person, they will likely be all cheerful and talkative again. Due to the rude behavior, I'd prefer not to talk to her again though.

So I'm wondering what the best way to handle that is? I could brush it all off I guess and pretend it's fine, but that would be somewhat disingenuous and fake.

I was thinking of just being honest and communicating my thoughts on that. Just to say in a simple sentence, "you know, if you recall I sent you a text and got no reply or acknowledgement. I think you must be a wonderful person based on my interactions with you. But I must admit I felt somewhat disrespected by that." Note I would not show emotion but just say this in a calm neutral voice, maybe even smile a tiny bit. I have a feeling it would actually be seen as ballsy and confident. But I'm wondering what input others have. On the one hand, I don't want to make a girl feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, you should communicate your thoughts clearly, especially when someone has shown you disrespect and imagines there's nothing wrong with what they did.


[–]2SirKolbath268 points269 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

“Oh. Hi.” Then more or less ignore her. Don’t be or act butthurt. She lost out. You dodged a bullet.

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

/thread

[–]DatingTank17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What he said. Going on a long tirade about how much and why you feel disrespected is cringeworthy and needy. And probably, the reason you got ghosted in the first place was the inherit neediness you reveal by wanting to respond with all that crap in the first place. Instead of thinking about what to say, ask yourself why it matters to you at all.

[–]jackandjill222 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That & something else, medium is the message bro. Don't take it so personally she's probably not that into you but don't be such a little bitch about it & right a lengthy essay about it.

[–]passepar2t124 points125 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You have to stop yourself from being offended. Flaking is the default setting for most men and women.

If you run into her irl, greet her in a neutrally pleasant manner, then continue on with your day.

Do not tell her that you got upset over her flaking. It's not going to make you feel better, it's not going to make her apologize or become interested in you. She probably already forgot about your message.

Any time you think about her, force yourself to think about something else, after a little while, this gets way easier.

[–]jh187113 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is fantastic advice.

Especially the last paragraph for 80% of meaningless disappointments. It helps you move on and keep eyes to the future.

[–]throwitdownman40 points41 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Holy smokes, do not send that text. I don’t even know you and you are giving me severe creepy vibes. Will you also send this as a email if a future employer denies you an interview and never replies? What if a friend ignores your text?

She did not respond AFTER having met with you because she is not interested in you. Which is fine. I think she’s not replying because she’s afraid of your reactions. She might be batshit insane, or you’re too uptight. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

I do not think it’s as simple as her being a ass and flaking. That usually happens before a chick meets up. Seen this happen a million times. You’re gave weird vibes, she felt it. The end, this ship has sailed. Move on.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He did say in another comment that he still has remenants of thinking that women are people.

He sounds like he's a creepy incel who's one rejection away from pulling an Elliot Rogers. Yet he keeps arguing against the very good advice he's receiving.

[–]btrpb68 points69 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

Delete her number from your phone and find something else to you.

Here's a fact for you from here on forwards: girls are going to ghost you.

If you get offended every time you're gonna spend a lot of time offended. She's moved on with her life and ain't thinking about you. So stop thinking about her.

[–]pilipinonguci1118 points19 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

, "you know, if you recall I sent you a text and got no reply or acknowledgement. I think you must be a wonderful person based on my interactions with you. But I must admit I felt somewhat disrespected by that."

Saying that is incredibly try-hard and needy as fuck. That will almost guarantee that she will want nothing to do with you ever again. Just say "hey" if you see her again. If she's interested in hanging out again, she'll initiate contact

[–]vajav43 points44 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You should send her flowers and apologize for anything you might have done to upset her.

/s

[–]bombo3437 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

and if he sees her in public, remember to fall to his knees with tears in his eyes - "Why - WHY? just tell me WHY!!!"

[–]z2a1-91 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

LOL.

[–]treehauz11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If it's not a fuck yes, it's a no!

[–]MetalstepTNG1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck yeah, finally glad to see a mark Manson quote on this sub.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are needy. The date didn't go very well obviously since she did not respond to you. You did not attract her. Deal with it by gaming other chicks. Don't be needy like you are showing this in your post

[–]KilluaKanmuru7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dude you gotta be like Jay-Z. Jay-Z & anyone baller has a fuckton of better shit to do forreal. You gotta be like the Sun. She's the moon. She reflects your light man. The Sun don't give a fuck about the moon. But, the moon can bask in the sun because the sun doesn't want shit from anybody. Pure abundance man.

[–]hazaraMoghul30 points31 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

"I was thinking of just being honest and communicating my thoughts " u fuking blue pill bitch. wat next, cry on the phone and let her know how much of your manhood is hurt by her.

fuk off u bitch..

[–]bombo3434 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i must admit i think he will feel a little disrespected by this post

[–]omega_dawg932 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

she had other options... and chose them over you.

no big deal. just forget her... completely.

have an abundance mentality and pursue your purpose. there WILL BE more women.

[–]Hide_yo_girl4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

OP is a little whining beach

[–]keenostreef[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't condone certain behaviors done towards me (by pretty much anyone). So that's considered whining? Am I not entitled to my own thoughts and beliefs? I didn't say I was going to lash out, or even do anything about it. I'm not angry or resentful, violent or someone who hurts others in any way. All I said was I would respectfully mention it if the person tried to speak to me again. Is that not my right as a human being? To casually mention something someone did that bothered me? I didn't realize the thought would be unthinkable for so many here... the old me would never do this, that's why I posted here asking for others opinions. I wanted to gauge the reactions, and I see it's mostly been negative.

[–]woodquest2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Man there are 1001 reasons to flake, and only 1 not to.

She might be more into someone else, or her granma just died.

Not your problem. Not your fault. Those creatures act out of feels. Might as well have been your left eyebrow remembered her about her creepy uncle, you won't know and you don't want to know the fuck is on her crazy mind.

When a girl wants to reach you, hell she does and there can be no doubt about it.

When not, hell you don't.

It's either she serves your purpose from the start, or she never will and it's pure loss.

You don't.

You next. x10

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get it. Your feelings were hurt, and you're debating to air it, or be ingenuine.

It would be ingenuine, if your feelings are still hurt. They shouldn't be. Chicks do what they do. If you had less investment, you'll deal with it easier.

Women go through a process of attraction, if they don't feel it, some find it hard to say, cuz they don't wanna hurt your feelings.

You're going to hold on to it, and prempt seeing her and her talking to you? You're still invested.

This isn't alpha behaviour. And alpha would have moved on, not cared, and been seeing other women. It's beta, saying 'if you ghost and don't respond, it pushes my buttons'.

Why even be thinking what could or could not happen, when there are women out there, waiting to be approached?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Act like nothing happened. you shouldn't be OFFENDED.

What the actual fuck.

You were lame. Getting lunch with a woman is lame. Get over yourself. She owes you no explanation.

The correct way to think about this is that she missed out. But adding on that, don't take women to lunch. And don't be offended if they don't respond. It doesn't affect you or your purpose. Who cares.

[–]Neil13984 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

how is getting lunch with a woman lame? Where do you take your dates?

[–]the13thzac 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Woman*

And because it’s like taking a girl to the movies

It’s a shitty date

Do that in an LTR

[–]Neil13980 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Where would you take a girl on a date?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cheaper drinks place to talk, near a place with more expensive drinks / place to play pool, darts, anything that allows physical touch if date goes well

Ideally close to your place or hers

[–]Aestheticcunt19965 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There‘s no problem with taking girls to lunch (especially in the earlier stages of dating, as taking her to a bungee jump for the first date seems too much). If you have an epic personality, you could go fucking mow the grass with some nail scissors and it would be entertaining as fuck.

[–]jsphere2562 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She was rude to do that. If this was your only interaction with her then you shouldn't make any effort to see her IRL, and if you bump into her pretend you don't know her

[–]red_matrix2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Welcome to modern dating. Girls are mostly ghosts and flakes these days, Tinder and Insta give them unlimited attention and the illusion that the next guy is Mr. Perfect.

[–]furcryingoutloud2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your expectations are too high. Nobody gives a fuck about them. As you shouldn't be giving a fuck about it either. What you're thinking makes you look really petty. Respect is earned, not demanded.

[–]tilleuno2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This behavior / emotion in general results from outcome dependency. Aim to cultivate some awareness in your future interactions where you have less of an emotional attachment or expectation towards the outcome in situations. It's going to help you, your heart, the girl and eventually.. your dick.

The more you practice neutrality towards outcomes, the better you are going to get and cooler you are going to become. Slowly it will bleed into your subconscious, and you will start to give off a vibe that women will pick up on.

[–]cafeitalia4 points5 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Next time do not ask a women if she wants to do something with you. Tell them to do it. Asking is a sissy behavior, telling and demanding is a man behavior.

And next time you see her act like you don't even remember the text. Do not greet her unless she greets you first. If she greets you first have a short chat and never bring up the text then say your byes. If she doesn't greet you first move on.

[–]hazaraMoghul5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Answer: u r too of a puussy, a girl has flaked on you and you are too invested in her. Plz read the side bar before i find you and bitch slap you.

[–]zboo1h1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No response. Stop investing your mental energy into nothing. Don't you have other options? Don't you have anything else to invest your energy in besides potential and temporary access to some holes?

[–]icecruzader1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you do happen to run into her pretend you don't know who she is.

[–]kellykebab1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You might be OFFENDED (why the shouting?), but you should probably just get used to getting ghosted. I often don't get replies to texts from guys that I semi-regularly play squash with. I usually just assume they were busy.

Getting lunch is a super low stakes, inherently boring date. You just didn't inspire a connection, so the girl doesn't feel obligated to stay in contact. This should be mildly annoying at most.

[–]raflord1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What I’m about to tell you worked for me with a few girls before but it really depends how your specific situation is but here it goes.

If you see her in person you should act like life has been absolutely amazing don’t specifically say that unless you want to but carry yourself as if it’s been really good. Show her that your better than her. Smile, have confidence, but don’t give her attention. Talk for a quick minute have a quick small convo “hey how’s it goin” “good seeing you” etc but keep it SHORT. Once she sees your not effected or doing better than she is, she’ll be back. Don’t burn the bridge she’ll either come back to you soon or in the future if she wants.

Just pretend it didn’t happen but don’t forget that she thought she was too good for you at one point. So basically don’t give more than you receive

[–]masterbaterchief1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dude, if you want to game women, you're going to have to get used to that kind of behavior. Otherwise, you will always be disappointed. Women are finicky creatures most of the time. I've had bitches flake on me after good dates with kissing. I've had bitches flake on me after dates that led to sex. I've flaked on bitches after sex. Get used to it, bud. You'll be okay. Move on to the next one, brother. Don't take things personal.

[–]T-P-T-W-P1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ll give a response that expands upon “don’t be a pussy”. Which I’m sorry, is the shortcut answer here. I can understand that it’s frustrating when you think something goes well. When I’m trying to establish new, particularly ones of higher value, women, I’ll play what I think are all the right cards and even fuck the hell out of them sometimes and they still next me. But it’s only for a split second do I think “damn I could’ve been in a pussy that I liked more but now I won’t ”. Then it’s right on to the next one. Justify it as one, you make yourself less attractive by getting shook by it in regards to both her and theoretically other women where this behavior may reoccur. And two, if they ghost you, fuck em, weren’t worth it anyway. I’ve had very attractive chicks do anything and everything I want to and for me. I’ve also had average chicks ghost me straight away. Every time you try with a female, obviously there are some mainstay factors but it’s still a new game in a new arena. There are chicks hotter than that one that will fuck you and there are uglier ones who won’t give you a shot. Keep your chin up and practice abundance mentality/trial and error. Ball out in ways that she’ll notice if you’re around her a lot as you sort of indicate. You’ll not only get the satisfaction/rewards of being dope and her missing out, maybe she’ll reconsider and accept plate status.

[–]1walawalawa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Two things: 1. I used to get offended by flaking. It took a few years to get to a point where I would screen girls so they wouldn't flake.

  1. Being "offended"--yea I also used to be like that. Now I've stopped caring. It's taken several years and a lot of reading and practicing game to adopt the abundance mentality. When you do that a girl's stupid behaviours won't bother you. You'll be too busy.

In this case...drop it and move on.

[–]Thisismybot81 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  1. Don't be "OFFENDED". Hold frame. Shit happens, move on.

  2. Ignore her if you want to ignore her.

[–]Mugdad1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn

[–]2comment1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I sent a single message quite some time ago asking if she'd like to go again.

I stopped that long ago for multiple reasons but the closest analogy I can come up with is you know how annoying it's to be a customer some place, and then they have you fill out a survey on the experience? It kinda feels like that to her.

Either make a joke if you can make her laugh or tease her, or have something concrete for her to show up for and tell her to be there. If they don't show up, got your answer and move on.

[–]bradtwo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t even bring it up. That’s the move my friend. Act like it wasn’t a big deal. Then invite her our to join you on something you already wanted to do. This way it’s zero pressure for her . She isn’t obligated to go. Since you’re already going anyways.

Mystery covered this is great detail some years back.

[–]1900_year_old_vampire2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

got it all wrong, hombre. why are you taking women you arent sleeping with on dates? why are you chasing them instead of getting them to chase you? why are you getting offended by things they do? why do you feel the need to "handle" anything, why not just holler at one of your other girlfriends instead? why would you think it would be a good idea to put her on the spot with your cringy "based on our interactions together you must be a wonderful person but i admit i feel disrespected".. why are you showing your cards at all, why are you considering acting like an emotionally invested pussy when you know it makes you look like a faggot, why do you care about any of this anyway? jesus

you need more women in your life mate, when you have 10-15 in rotation at any given time youll care a lot less about what any particular one does. you wana know what happened here? pretty much everything you said and did has put a beacon on you that screams "loser", thats what happened

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

yeah man, just go out and scrape together a 15-chick rotation.

Oh and also, stop being a little bitch faggot.

It's not the *worst* advice in the world really. But this sub's simplistically brutal way of delivering the "tough love" cracks me up man. A lot of armchair chads around here fronting like tough guys. Pretty comical.

OP's text idea IS needy as fuck, and should be avoided at all costs, but how about giving him some actual digestible advice rather than calling him a bitch ass faggot etc. The sub is about keeping shit real with each other, but if your advice offers nothing beyond "ur a bitch fag bro", then I'd suggest you take a closer look at yourself and how "alpha" you really are. Leaders help build other men up with actionable advice, they don't just sit around typing "you're a fag" all day lol.

[–]1900_year_old_vampire1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

i didnt just call him a fag. i gave him like a dozen questions that he should be asking himself, and then ended it with the general advice. when you have lots of women to call and even more on the back burner, you stop giving a shit about one falling off the radar, let alone having a mental breakdown over it. its not that hard to meet 15 new women and start building relationships with them, you could do that in a couple hours if you want to. or over the course of days, weeks, whatever. homie has a long way to go though before any specific advice i could give on any of that is going to help him though. if he acted the way i act to women, it wouldnt work for him. guarentee it. its obvious from his post that he lacks the experience to freestyle the finesse. the best advice i could give him would be read the sidebar and go meet 1000 new women, then come back with actual questions when he isnt acting like such a fruit loop. he wondered why she didnt answer, so i told him. if hes here to get shit whispered gently into his ear on a beach during the sunset, hes in the wrong place

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

fair enough. I was also directing that comment at the person up above you literally just said "fuk off u bitch". That just isn't helpful to anybody, and all it is most likely is some 17 yr old idiot trying to flex nuts on the internet.

You're right, you did have some good advice. Although I would say for most dudes, especially ones stuck at Level 1 like OP, it could take a longgg time to build up a rotation of 10-15 women. Like sure it's definitely something to shoot for, but not something that this guy's gonna be able to even come close to achieving in his present condition.

[–]1900_year_old_vampire-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

fasho

[–]unptitdej0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This makes everyone mad as hell, trust me. That's how ugly it's become, but yea you have to say Hi, wait and never look back.

[–]UncleChido0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Where the fuck is your abundance mentality mate? You should read and ingrain the 16 commandments of poon and the sidebar. Always keep two in the kitty. Apparently you don’t, if so you would have had another girl to ask out. Keep meeting girls, it’s a numbers game.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

Reading OP arguing the comments, I'm thinking is that how chicks react when they get soft nexted? OP you are a bitch hahaha get a hold of yourself for God's sake. Just the fact that you're still thinking about this and arguing about this is proof that that isn't about disrespect, it's about that chick being your only option to get your dick wet and now that it's slipping away you're freaking out.

[–]keenostreef[S] -2 points-1 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

no, you're wrong. As evidenced by the fact it would be perfectly fine if she said "No" to meeting again, let alone having sex with me.

I don't feel disrespected every time I get ghosted. In fact, this is pretty much the only time. What matters is context. I feel like I knew this person well enough (we'd been talking for months prior). So that's where the whole "insulted" thing comes from.

There's also studies and news articles on ghosting showing how it's a form of disrespect at minimum. There's nothing wrong with admitting it. We're all human. It doesn't matter who you are.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

There's also studies and news articles on ghosting showing how it's a form of disrespect at minimum

You should show her those articles when you see her again. I'm sure she will be absolutely charmed by your implacable evidence and logic and she will apologize profusely for her disrespect right before ripping your pants off to suck your dick.

You're such an alpha male who doesn't take no disrespect from no bitch and who even has the scientific papers to prove his points.

[–]keenostreef[S] -1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Mocking me for using reason/science is a feminine trait. Of course I wouldn't try to show a scientific paper to any woman....I did it with you assuming you were a rational male and willing to entertain a truth.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Clearly I cannot compete with your intellect. You're too much of a 200 IQ Chad for me to handle. Please do as you wish and tell her that you felt disrespected.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Are you an aspie?

[–]keenostreef[S] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

No, but I am your future boss

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very unlikely, unless you move to Brazil.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Damn man, you're trying so hard. You are so pathetic I can hardly believe it. I'm starting to feel sorry for you. Whatever you think you're doing, you're not being "alpha". You're being cringy, creepy and needy. I know I've made fun of you but I think you got so real problems, deeper than the issue in the post, and I hope you will seek the help you need.

Don't do anything stupid.

[–]keenostreef[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

And you're trying way too hard to seem "holier than thou." How it works is you assign a list of what you believe are negative characteristics to the other person: pathetic, creepy, needy, having problems.

It is human, all too human, to try to label others (and to say it out loud so everyone can hear).

Nothing you just said phased me. It's from an internet stranger who doesn't know me. I don't care how I "appear" to you, as you are nothing for me to try to impress.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I will label you as a creepy insecure needy bitch when you act like one. Now I'm done with you, you're legit creeping me the fuck out and this isn't even enjoyable anymore. This is probably why the girl didn't text you back because I'm sure you gave off that vibe during the date. So I'm just going to say this: your shitty attitude isn't going to get you anywhere in life. Fix yourself kid.

[–]3chazthundergut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dont allow her lack of response to make you emotional.

Just wait till you're the one ghosting on chicks. This experience is just fuel for the fire

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

When you wonder how to react to this or that ask yourself how would you react if you had another 10 girls you’re fucking at the moment.

Answer in your case: you’d stop caring about why this one ghosted you. You wouldn’t have the time to spare thinking about how to tell her she’s been rude and you wouldn’t even have the desire to “show her”. Her loss. You may even be grateful that she didn’t waste your time if she wasn’t interested.

So next time you see her, you can act as if nothing happened.

[–]gbnz870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How long has she been silent? I usually give them 24 hours and try a similar message again. If they don't reply to the second one then I let them go on with their life.

I'm often guilty of it myself, when someone sends you a text for something when you're either busy or can't do it due to other obligations I leave it for a bit while I think of a response and then completely forget about it. Especially over Christmas where my schedule is pretty busy.

[–]MrAnderzon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why are you getting lunch to begin with. Maybe you know each other but it's weird if you barely know each other and stuff your face. KiSS

Cafe or Bar would be better.

There was a post on here awhile ago suggesting that if you want something sexual with this girl plan to see each other at night or after 7 or so.

[–]BrutalMan4200 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

why in the fuck is this thread so popular

[–]keenostreef[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

lmao, as the OP I have no idea myself. I noticed people kept upvoting and replying constantly. Thought it would get like 10 replies and die.

[–]BrutalMan4200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

people have had nothing better to do since trp was quarantined. its making this place pretty shitty.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

For the same reason people stop to gawk when there is a car crash on the side of the road.

[–]amedeo_modigliani0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Meanwhile, Chad is fucking her in the ass on first date. She is not into you dude, next.

[–]keenostreef[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

First of all, don't underestimate my appeal just because someone didn't reply to a message. Nor yours indirectly with that mindset. Not every woman is always a lost cause, with some mythical Chad fucking her on weekends. The vast majority of women are dissatisfied with men and life.

I saw IOIs out the bucket with this girl. When I asked her to lunch, I even saw raw excitement in her. But I messed up somewhere in terms of frame and my mindset during the actual date. I know where. With that said, I'm not even going to try to salvage anything and have already just chucked it up to a loss.

[–]jakenbakery0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get over it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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