Women who are not sentimental or overly emotional at all

Kara__El · 2018-10-13T19:36:07+00:00

I feel like this sometimes changes with age. At 25, I was downright cold. Nothing made me cry, my sense of humor was often cruel, and it was impossible to hurt my feelings. I think it was the equal and opposite reaction to being in such a competitive stage of life, in regards to career and friends and dating. Today, I find myself to be a lot more sensitive and considerate, likely because I have a safe and supportive force in my husband. I'm still pretty logical and unromantic, but with smoother edges.

I, too, am very attracted to pragmatism and lack of sentimentality, which I certainly see in my husband. That part of my personality is still there, so we enjoy being able to have discussions about everything without either of us getting upset. I think his steadfast masculinity is probably the reason I feel safe crying when I read a news story about a mutilated cat. He's the man. I'm the woman. This is okay.

NubianIbex · 2018-10-13T22:11:33+00:00

Thank you for starting this discussion, it's a topic I've given a lot of thought to but haven't gotten the chance to phrase my thoughts coherently.

I identified as a hyper-rational woman most of my 20s. It was likely due to the fact I was in an almost entirely male environment and it was a very competitive kind of sink-or-swim situation, be one of the guys or be a social outcast. I had this belief that people who are not guided at all by emotions are stronger. The less feelings you have and/or exhibit, the more rational you are, the smarter you are. Due to the hypergamous nature of women, probably combined with ideas instilled by my upbringing, I was attracted to extremely smart men. And I used lack of emotions as an indicator of how smart they were.

However, I wasn't able to build a healthy relationship with any of them. Eventually I came to realize I'm not as hyper-rational as I pretended to be, and that these cold men I was attracted to were like that not because of their intelligence, but because of their unresolved issues. I connected with who I actually was, which is a mostly rational but sometimes emotional woman who needs a partner who is masculine enough to acknowledge his feelings and masculine enough for me to feel safe expressing mine.

I think that a healthy relationship does need to have a feminine/masculine dynamics. I see it even in the dynamics of my gay married friends. Some of the RPW lifestyle in my opinion is shedding limiting beliefs about what being a strong and smart woman is, and learning to love your feminine side. Giving up on some of the masculine energy in your life will make room for a man to fill in.

AllieLikesReddit · 2018-10-13T19:21:17+00:00

Heck yeah. Rationality is a thousand times better than sentimentality in my book. Though, my emotional stability seems to attract men who are unstable, which sucks. When a man is more emotional and needier than I am, I feel hard and unfeminine, and its a vicious circle.

GettingMyShitInOrder · 2018-10-13T21:31:47+00:00

Yes, this is completely and totally me. According to Myers-Briggs I am an INTJ, I prefer to be logical than to address my feelings. It's a highly desirable trait if you are climbing a career ladder or work in math/science but in my experience it tends to handicap my relationships. In the past I would be considered cold, and distant. I know I am like this as a product of my childhood, a sense of self preservation.

I feel as these qualities were quite masculine and attracted more feminine men. It's not bad but to be this way but I am attracted more towards masculine men so I have been slowly learning to be in touch with my sensitive side and to be less in my head. The key is I'm not insecure and letting my hamster run wild though. I actively seek out things that bring out my feminine side because it's what attracts more masculine energy in my life.

I personally feel more balanced receiving that sort of masculine energy than emitting it. All of this is justopinion though, not necessarily factual or correct. I think you can still be logical and attract logical, masculine men.. just in my experience it was not the case, and actually pushed away men.

TheLaughingRhino · 2018-10-14T16:02:30+00:00

There's a Russian saying, it translate to "Women try to break men to find a man that can't be broken"

Much of the imprint of how people behave comes from long term socialization in their formative years ( For most, it's seeing how their parents interacted) A lot of women see their mothers pick soft/Beta men then resent them for being picked and it's simply psychological warfare to batter a guy emotionally in the way her mother likely battered her father.

There are PLENTY of rational and unsentimental men out there. But you don't find them physically attractive. Or their status is too low.

If you are picking men who are prone to be bullied, well what does that really say?

"I don't like men I can bully around. Let's not discuss that I'm picking them in the first place"

You find men who won't take your shit attractive. Well so do most women. Most women want the same type of guy, against a very very very very archetype. He's not taking shit because he has options, instead of a thirsty Beta, he can next a woman and still have lots of options. Men like this, basically men like me, have enough experience with women to detach from things like oneitis that fells many men.

Do you find hyper rational men and unsentimental men attractive?

If that was true on it's own, you'd find lots of men attractive. But you don't. You find attractive men, who are seen as attractive from a social baseline/social proof as attractive. Based on their experience and options, they behave what you see as more rational and with less emotion. ( Because as a male's N count increases, he too loses the ability to pair bond, I'm sure some TRP guy will argue that point, but a high N count on either end is bad news)

You want a man you can't break. But you pick men you can break because the men you can't break will either not commit or will not commit to you.

Based on the "female hamster" something like rational behavior and lack of sentimentality will be seen as good things when things are going good. When faced with hypergamy/branchswinging/boredom, that same women might say later " You never open up to me! I have needs just like everyone else! I want someone who can open his heart to me!"

You find attractive men attractive. And they stay attractive as long as you are getting what you want out of the interaction/relationship. When you are not, all those pluses become minuses.

Part of the balance is that men are designed to provide and PROTECT. This is our biological imperative. We live in a society where women have no fear. They are protected by the State, the courts, law enforcement, the culture at large, etc. I am not saying women should live in fear or abuse. I am saying having zero fear (other than not getting the commitment they want or that nice pair of shoes they can't get) is not our basic design. I can see why some many women are angry, unhappy and pissed off.

They live in a society that tells them it's ok to emotionally batter men into submission then resent them for taking the battering in the first place.

You are attracted to weak men. You pick them. Then you resent them for their weakness. You are the common denominator. It doesn't sound rational, it just sounds plain mean.

aussiedollface2 · 2018-10-16T01:11:08+00:00

My husband is more emotional than I would like sometimes. But I grew up in a very emotionally repressed household and I suspect my father might even be on the spectrum, so I try to shift my expectations a bit xo