TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

48

My original reply for this post for Why You're Not Married was to in depth for a single reply so I've made it a separate post.

While the reasoning in this article is sound, it's still very flawed.

For Background The two most impressive women I've ever known are Francis and MJ, my grandmother was Francis, and the other is my mother MJ. When I consider the sum total of their skills and then casually look at what skills the modern empowered^TM women have it's quite appalling and very disappointing. While these two women's wide range of talents wouldn't be expected or demanded by men today, it's certainly impressive, and WILL IMPRESS any high quality man around, because THAT is what they are really looking at, far more than just your cup size.

Francis started as a candy striper, which should clue you in to her age, and she retired as the senior nurse of the regional hospital having NEVER gone to high school, and with only a very rural education. Francis canned, could sew, quilt, and literally made pasta, bread, cheese, ice cream, and butter from scratch. Francis also cooked and cleaned EVERYTHING in the house daily on top of her full time position at the hospital, and I maybe heard her complain about things a few times a year. She could operate any type of farm equipment and kept a large garden her entire life, she helped operate a FULL SIZE FARM and never had a dishwasher, or modern washer & dryer. The last picture we have of Francis before she died was taken while she darned socks. She married ONE MAN and never cheated or divorced. Francis' husband was as mean as a rattlesnake dipped in boiling caster oil, on his better days, and the man whom she reverently and with absolute sincere deep love called "the best man on earth" until the day she died.

Then we have MJ, who was a beauty queen turned hairdresser who married an alcoholic and had 3 boys, which she kept together for 15 years. Yes she was a single mother for a time and past the wall, but she worked three jobs, all minimum wage, and NOT ONCE to this day has MJ ever shown disdain or lied about her ex-husband, and blamed the marital demise totally on him. MJ sure could have talked him down over the years, but she never did. While MJ is candid about what happened, she never prevented any of us from seeing our father, and went out of her way to make sure we could and did. She drove a dump truck, can do masonry, and knows her way around a barn just like Francis does, still has a smallish garden, can cook, clean, and sew just as well as Francis also. She went without a dishwasher until the early 80's and dressed EXTREMELY FEMININE and never once have I seen her show too much skin or overtly flaunt her assets, and hers are considerable. That was all done with second hand clothes she got from garage sales, so wasting money was never something she did.

She was a teen model that Cindy Crawfor could learn a few things from, and to this day is still built like one, though she is much older know. She got married again and was with Cecil for 37 YEARS and fought every relative, any doctor or nurse, and every legal battle there was to keep him alive and comfortable until the very end. The dedication, devotion, and INCREDIBLE SACRIFICE she displayed for HER HUSBAND is beyond impressive, and I'm prior special forces so I know a thing or two about that level of dedication to something or someone else. She is the ONLY female I've ever met who can outwork a male, and I learned that from working until 3am at the ponderosa, then we both got up the very next day and went to our regular full time jobs too. Hard work is in her blood, and she is never sitting still.

As for marriage women today all want to GET married, but not one I've met really want's to BE married and that is why all those high value good men^TM are strangely absent from view when you're pushing 30+ with a few kids and a lame degree in media relations that you wasted 100k on.

None of that is an asset to a man, and most consider it extremely detrimental. If commitment is so valuable to women they why do 70%+ file for divorce when by comparison, housework is an absolute breeze with all the modern home appliances. A grand total of ZERO women today need to can, or sew, or bake, and do it all from scratch. Clotheslines are a thing of the past, and dress codes are far less restrictive so WHY WONT HE COMMIT to you?

The answer lies in this single distinction, because a man is fine with BEING married while they are not too keen on GETTING married, and when you add the massive legal, financial, and emotional penalties for modern marriage for him to a woman that will get "bored" be "unhappy" or is suddenly "unfulfilled" to justify throwing it all away in a few short years, the risk/reward ratio for men is completely negative on balance. You can't decorate, cook, clean, sew, can, bake, dress well, write well, barely communicate, manage finances, don't work hard, and then you spend every waking moment staring at your phone...

Is THAT really your winning strategy to catch Mr. Right?

For the article The points raised are solid, but they barely scratch the surface of the problem. It's far more than simply understanding your unique nature, accepting your own mating strategy, and working to manage those. The men have already been doing that for centuries, with the exception of a few outliers who cant adapt to the modern world, men aren't savages anymore. So why do so many women feel that's the way they should be, when there is no reason for it anymore. Condescension isn't an attractive trait, and neither are the oblique daily insults about how undomesticated men are... They did give you the Internet and the swell car you drive, and all those other cool gadgets after all.

If your only real goal is to simply go full on Entitled Disney Princess^TM and GET married then sadly, it isn't going to happen, and if it does you will end up like the articles author. Overly used goods that no man actually needs or wants and way past your expiration date handing out low quality advice. If your only focus is on a "your big day" then you're far past being just a selfish bitch, and well on your way to the dustbin full of regret by being passed over for someone else. Now, if your true goal is to BE married then print this out, post in on your mirror, and follow the example set by two women who ACTUALLY HAVE IT ALL and even more than you would believe if I told you more of their story.

One thing you didn't see these older women ever do was preening in bathroom stalls for selfies, humble bragging about how "creepy" or "gross" the guys who did ask them out were so they could be used for a free dinner or shopping trip, and how 80%+ of the men around them are invisible and not good enough because they didn't get a degree from "Totally worthless U" to hang on the wall. Francis and MJ never went to college, but they both have VERY IMPRESSIVE qualifications and both got selected to be the first mate on the finest ships in the fleet.

They supported their Captains 100% without fail, no matter what until the bitter end, and fought without quarter to keep those ships afloat and in the fight, and they did it all without instagram, pnterest, tumblr, facebook, the Internet, and a dishwasher. I don't text, and neither does MJ, we CALL each other on the phone like adults and talk. Try it sometime, it's fun!

If you want to "BE a wife, then stop thinking about GETTING that commitment, and think much more about BEING someone worth committing too.


[–]hawthornevine27 points28 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you want to be a wife, then stop thinking about getting that commitment, and think much more about being someone worth committing to.

Loved this line - so true! People tend to treat marriage as just another achievement to gain in life, and then stop working on their relationship after their wedding days. It's clear that your grandma and mom didn't do that and they sound like amazing women!

Slightly off topic, but quick suggestion about formatting - I found the randomly bolded and capitalized words to be very distracting, and I don't think you need to use them so much. You make your point very clearly without them :)

[–]T0000009 8 points8 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Marriage is like getting your "big break" in showbiz, you need to do a lot more than simply show up to the set on time in the right costume.

At some point you will actually have to preform for the director and do what you were hired to do, not just sit around and sign autographs.

[–]beanx2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

for whatever reason though, our society has developed an apoplectic reaction to looking within for the source of one's difficulties FIRST (goes back to that whole "people knew how to do stuff or figured out how to fix or work around it back then" versus today, where everything is someone else's fault and we're the victims.i dont get the perpetual victim thing, frankly. i have had MANY challenges. Sooooooo many. But i dunno...for me and it seems most everyone i know, there is this fundamental desire to triumph; to find a way through or around or beyond the obstacle, as sort of an ingrained, unspoken thing. maybe i'm just old. or old school, i don't know, but i guess i was lucky to have grandparents fresh off the boat from their homes who just didn't have any choice whatsoever BUT to keep on keeping on, as the saying goes. i wish there were more of that today and less of "everyone gets a trophy just for showing up, and if something bad happens, it's never ever your fault".

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So good, thank you

[–]weelittlebabyforme 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I don't quite understand the bold words in this write-up. Personally, what I liked about the Redpill and Redpill women is that most of the people have a drive to recognize things about themselves and change it. I do agree that if you want to have a partner for a while (or past your "prime") you need to be able to do things that are beneficial to yourself and others and not be a bitch to your partner. Perhaps I'm out of touch a bit. I don't really quite understand why people on either sub have a hard time getting dates or keeping their relationships if you have people who are willing to communicate. I do agree that people should be able to do things like what you say...are there really people out there who can't cook/sew/can/do dishes and want a husband to make the money? If you don't know how to do something these days there is GOOGLE.

[–]T0000009[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Kinda hard to communicate with someone when they are glued to their attention box and can't put it down for more that who seconds. I've actually had a woman texting another guy while on our first meeting, which was the LAST meeting too.

Every woman I have ever met wants the man to make the money while she stays home... the problem is all these women have no interest in doing anything while at home. learning from Google isn't the problem, THEY are the problem.

[–]weelittlebabyforme 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Ah, I can see the frustration. I've never been around people like this, personally. If I were a man there would be no way I would want to work for someone to just watch soap operas all day and not do things. What are they doing on their phone that is so important?

[–]T0000009[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I dunno, probably getting their dopamine fix from their endless validation seeking and goldbricking for attention. I've yet to met a female who can put it away so scrolling facebook perpetually must be some kind of thing for women and makes them even less valuable or interesting..

[–]weelittlebabyforme 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Understandable. I think anyone would be upset if they couldn't clearly communicate with another person. Perhaps I have high self-esteem, but I don't like facebook and I don't participate in it. There are far too many people wanting outside validation or taking pictures of food without much education behind it (like "how to cook" X). I prefer reddit and no pictures of myself on the internet. I'm married, so it cuts out random dudes or politics for my relationship. It seems great when it's just my husband and family.

[–]T0000009[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Go to any mall, store, cafe' or public place in America... and look at the women as they walk by.

100% will have phone in hand, texting or staring at it waiting for a text or whatever else... It's actually quite pathetic to witness.

[–]Simpsondimsum2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Brilliant!

I didn't mind the words in bold I think they drove your points home

[–]beanx2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

love love looooove this post!!!!!!! you know, i think a certain generation pines for the generally seen as idyllic 1950s for a reason. is it because they all hate women and want them to be forever barefoot and pregnant? is it because you could find a nice boy, get married and have him be the breadwinner? nope. it's because that period following WWII was a truly amazing time. yes, i know, the reality wasn't perhaps quite as spiffy, but in general, both men AND women still knew how to do things. they knew how to cook, they sought to achieve and grow and overcome whatever obstacles came along. when something broke, you fixed it - you didn't toss it in the trash and simply get a new one. women took pride in the things that they had learned from their mothers and grandmothers. i can't even fathom how a woman today finds it cool or empowering to brag about not being able to cook, or derives some sort of satisfaction out of being with a man they can treat like crap, talk crap to and about and yet still expect the princess treatment. i like being married. i enjoy the partnership, i have great respect for my husband because he has earned it over and over again, JUST by being himself - a man with character, skills, strength and intelligence. straight up, i married him because (among MANY other reasons), he was the guy who wouldn't take shit from me. and i am a strong, eclectic, at times hot headed and passionate personality. im leavng out a ton, but your post is great and i loved it!!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Bold or no bold, good points. Like what you said at the end, ask yourself: "If I met myself, would I want to marry me? Knowing all that I know about me?" If that answer is "no", try your best to work towards it. Good stuff here.

[–]T0000009[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's solipsistic narcissism... You should ask would HE want to marry, not do I want to marry... the focus should alway be on the captain not the crew.

That the #1 problem with women today, everything is always "me" first and rarely if ever "we" first

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

unfortunately, I think you missed the point..but I see what your saying.

[–]T0000009[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If I met myself, would I want to marry me? Knowing all that I know about me?

What you "know" about yourself is irrelevant to a man you've just met.

The real question is HOW does he see or perceive you, and DO YOU present a package that is worth getting to know better?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!

The first article made some very valid points. But as you pointed out, when you've been married and divorced three times.....

One point I think you could have elaborated on which seems to be missing - gender roles. Today's idea of "equality" says that men and women are exactly the same and that gender roles are outdated.

Thinking of the marriage of my grandparents, one thing is extremely apparent - gender roles were very defined. My grandfather never lifted a finger in the kitchen because my grandmother did it all like the damn good cook that she is.

Everyone knew what they need to do and they did it happily.

[–]T0000009[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Remember that time you got a memo that was for senior executive staff ONLY and you rushed up 20 floors from the mail room in the basement and burst into the conference room to take a seat.... With the CEO and the rest of the board?

Yeah... That's why it isn't discussed, because there was actually a time when people KNEW their place and worked really hard to EARN a seat at the fancy table. Nobody needed it to be explained, or be told that if you work in the mail room you're not a V.I.P. BUT with some spit and polish, elbow grease, and some effort you can someday work you way up to it.

[–]littlecrochetlady0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is so amazing. Thank you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was disgusted by the author's comparison of men to little boys. Maybe he'd act like an adult if you'd give him the respect of one.

[–]10211799107-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just subscribed to this sub. My mind is blown. You summed this up extremely well. If only this could be shown to girls as they grow up.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter