I received a message from a new user and a few things immediately went through my mind:
- Is this a troll, do they have an agenda?
- How can I fully explain all the moving pieces that are jumbled up in this question?
In the process of writing my reply I realized that I was covering a lot of ground, and dedicating more time than I had initially anticipated. Which Is why I have turned it into a thread. Now /u/llaym can ask their question without fear of a ban, and my reply can be shared with the community and possibly help clear up some confusion. Hopefully, this will also generate some interesting conversations.
llaym I encourage you to participate on the sub and comment on posts. You should also check out the IRC room if you haven't already. Be sure to read the RPW sidebar as well.
You have some common misunderstandings about TRP and RPW so I encourage you to review this thread.
We talk a lot about the Captain/First Mate dynamic, but not all the ladies there utilize that method, which is fine. There's a common assumption that every Red Pill Woman wants to find, date (and possibly marry) a Red Pill man - which isn't the case at all. Red Pill Women want to find a good man, and the chances of meeting a Red Pill Man out in the world is slim. More to the point - not all RP Men are good matches for an LTR (for various reasons). Some of the gentlemen are only interested in spinning plates, or they want a relationship where the woman is exclusive to him while he has the freedom to date other women. Those are both perfectly fine strategies for the RP gentlemen to pursue - but no Red Pill Woman in her right mind would willingly pursue that kind of arrangement. We advocate for exclusive relationships. Many of the ladies on the RPW sub are with men that have no idea that “Red Pill” is even a thing besides two random words thrown together. Being a good man doesn’t require that man to know anything about RP, many of the men that the ladies are attracted/married to/or dating do have traditionally masculine traits, but not all of them. In many ways “good” is subjective, and there’s a lot that goes into shaping chemistry between two people and how their personalities will work together within a relationship.
TRP male users can focus on one of several different goals (spinning plates, monk mode, LTRs/Marriage etc). Not every RP man wants an exclusive LTR or marriage. The users are by and large focused solely on having more success with women and acquiring sex. It's easy for men to get commitment and build relationships - but sustaining a healthy level of attraction and having regular physical intimacy is more difficult.
RPW focuses on the female dating strategy. Women have an easy time acquiring physical intimacy - but earning the commitment of a good man proves to be much more elusive and difficult for many women. The single women on RPW are looking to improve themselves so that they can earn the commitment and affection of a good man. The women that are already in relationships or married are here to learn how to improve their relationships and minimize bad behaviors. The female sexual strategy focuses on obtaining commitment. Women have an easy time getting sex, but a harder time earning commitment. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of commitment.
This is why both TRP and RPW advises its respective users to 'protect' their highest assets. For men, that means holding off on exclusivity until the woman proves to be worthy of that commitment. For women, that means holding off on sex until exclusivity/commitment has been established. It's called the 'war of the sexes' for a reason. Both sides want certain things, and the goals are often at odds with each other.
That said, it's inaccurate to assume that RPW users are seeking out, or are matched with RP male users. RPW is not the dating pool or harem of TRP. Both subs work off the same base of knowledge and concepts. RPW works to minimize the damaging effects of "AWALT" behaviors as well as self-improvement. It is true that there are some couples where both members are active on the respective RP subs - but that is by no means the norm.
As for your question about fidelity - it's the responsibility of every woman to screen for a good man, and work to create a healthy relationship. You have to know what your deal-breakers are, and you have to make sure that you pick a man that has earned your trust and affection. A woman has to bring enough to the table on her end so that she can earn the commitment of a quality man - which is why it's just as important to know what your personal faults are as it is to know how to identify red-flags in your romantic interests.
I do not encourage users to tolerate cheating, that said, if you are with an attractive man – he is going to get attention from other women. It’s also important to realize that if you are an attractive woman – you are going to get attention from other men. Know the boundaries of your relationship, and protect those boundaries as best you can. Having personal integrity and being an ambassador not only for your SO/H, but also for your relationship – will go a long way towards making sure he never needs to actively seek attention from other women. It’s important not to compare your relationship to the relationships you see on TRP. If reading TRP upsets you, or discourages you too much, then stop going there. Focus on your own journey.
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